The Great Derailer

I went into the kitchen on Thursday to get a snack and took the last 5 Oreos out of the package and threw the bag away.  As I sat and enjoyed them on the couch, accompanied by the currently quiet hum of the baby monitor, a thought wormed it's way into my conscious mind, 'didn't I just buy these Oreos on Tuesday?' 

With half a cookie in my mouth, the other in my hand, and a sinking feeling in the base of my ribcage, I texted my husband and sheepishly asked, "Did you eat any of the Oreos in the pantry?" To which he gave the most soul-crushing response I could have asked for...

"...we had Oreos?"

NOOOOOOOO!  I had eaten an entire package of cookies in 2 days, by myself.  I had broken it up into socially acceptable stacks of cookies multiple times throughout the day, so I HADN'T EVEN NOTICED IT MYSELF, and the end of the package snuck up on me.  Once I collected myself, I realized that the only thing I could do was eat well for the rest of the day. 

Oh, were you wondering what happened to the half cookie that was in my hand?  I ate that before Dan could respond.  If I had waited until he confirmed that I had, in fact, eaten the entire package myself, I might have had to put it in the garbage disposal like it was drug paraphanelia.

But let's focus on the good that was done, and not the crazy addict behavior... for my benefit: I decided to eat well for the rest of the day.  In the past, when presented with this type of dietary derailer, I would have said, "Well, today's fucked.  Let's order a pizza and another pizza made out of a giant cookie."  But on Thursday it didn't derail me.  This is new, and I think it's important.  There is no such thing as "blowing" your diet.  Do your best to stay on track, and when you inevitably slip (because you are a human), get back on track as soon as you can.  Having pizza for lunch does not mean you can't have a healthy dinner.  I named this blog FOR that concept.  When I would indulge in the past, I would use it as an excuse to indulge all day long, and push my dietary start date til tomorrow.  But if having a baby has taught me anything, it's that the concept of NOW is most important.  When I had GD, my baby could not have waited for tomorrow for my self-control to start, or suffered through full days of high sugar readings because I "blew my diet" with a donut and then decided to eat poorly for the rest of the day.  He needed for me to begin now.

Being present in this moment also involves letting the last one go, while learning from it.

It is so easy to focus on our failures, even when we have had hundreds more successes.  After every good meal, congratulate yourself, instead of just thinking that it was what you were supposed to do.  Eating well can feel great, it can be satisfying and delicious, but it can also be HARD, and it's important to acknowledge that.  Count up your good meals and snacks against your slip ups before you have determined that you have failed, and it's time to give up on the day.  Then try not to buy Oreos the next time you go to the grocery store, and pat yourself on the back when you succeed.